Many women seek guidance from spiritual leaders, but instead of being counseled to seek safety and deliverance from abuse, the church doesn’t recognize emotional abuse.
There remains a severe gap in understanding emotional abuse, particularly within religious communities. For many women married to emotionally abusive men, the church has often been the first place they seek refuge.
However, the painful truth is that the church doesn’t recognize emotional abuse as it should, leaving many women without the support and guidance they desperately need.
The Church’s Misguidance on Emotional Abuse
Too often, women turn to their spiritual leaders for help, only to find that their experiences are misunderstood or dismissed.
Clergy, who lack proper training or could be emotional abusers themselves, frequently mislabel emotional abuse as a “marriage problem.” This misdiagnosis not only fails to address the real issue but also places the blame on the victim, enabling the abuser to continue their toxic behavior.
Common misdiagnoses include:
- Communication problems
- Intimacy-related issues
- Selfishness
- Insufficient time spent together
- Stress or boredom
- Spiritual abuse through sexual withholding
Clergy mislabeling abuse, not only fails the victims, it contradicts fundamental spiritual teachings.
God’s Stance on Abuse (When The Church Doesn’t Recognize Emotional Abuse)
Contrary to some interpretations, God does not want women to endure abuse. The teachings of love, respect, and safety should guide religious leaders in their counsel. God commands separation from abuse (wickedness), valuing the safety and well-being of individuals over the preservation of proximity to evil.
Empowering Clergy to Ask the Right Questions
To combat this issue, clergy can play a crucial role in identifying emotional abuse by asking empowering questions:
- Do you feel emotionally safe?
- Do your children feel emotionally safe?
- Do you feel like you owe your husband sex?
- Do you like being at home when your husband is home?
- Can you say no to sex without punishment (including sulking)?
These questions are designed to help victims recognize their own experiences as abusive and take steps toward safety.
Prioritizing Safety Over Relationship
The church must shift its focus to prioritize women’s safety over abusive men’s exploitation.
Too often, clergy advise women to stay with their emotionally abusive husband, causing further harm and delaying healing. Anne Blythe, founder of BTR.ORG, emphasizes the importance of choosing safety and recounts how many women felt God guiding them out of abusive situations, only to be discouraged by clergy.
Why The Church Doesn’t Recognize Emotional Abuse
It’s time for churches to abandon the dangerous belief women were created to serve men. God created women to fulfill their God given mission – with talents and interests of their own.
To those experiencing emotional abuse, know that you are not alone. Support is available. BTR.ORG offers Group Sessions to help you find safety and healing. Visit Betrayal Trauma Recovery for immediate support.
While the church may not recognize emotional abuse, we can create a future where all women can protect themselves. If you or someone you know needs support, attend a Group Session TODAY.
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