“My husband lied to me,” she repeated over and over. For a woman who finds out her husband has been lying to her for years, she always remembers the day she discovered his secret life. We frequently call it D-day or discovery day. Has this happened to you?

If you feel alone and need support, we’re here for you. Learn about Group Support Sessions.

Transcript: My Husband Lied To Me: What Is D-Day?

Anne: Women who discover something awful about their husband always remember the day they found out. We frequently call D-day or discovery day, and generally they realize, “My husband lied to me.” It could stand for destruction day. Women who go through this divide time by before and after. Over the years, I’ve heard hundreds of thousands of D-Day stories. If you’re listening, I want you to think about your D-Day or how many D-Days you have. Some women have multiple D-days.

My Personal D-Day Story When My Husband Lied To Me

Anne: My first D-day is when my husband lied to me and said. “I’ve used porn a few times in the last few weeks, and I worry I might be a porn addict. So I’m going to start attending 12 step meetings for sex addicts. I’m so sorry. I’ll never do it again. I will totally get on top of this.”

My second D- day is when I find out my husband lied to me many times. About all the lies he told and how much porn he used. It was shocking, but I still didn’t even know the truth.

And my third D-Day is the day he is under arrest for spraining my fingers. You can read all about the details in my book, which will come out soon.

Corrie’s D-Day, My Husband Lied To Me

Anne: A member of our community, I’ll call her Corrie recorded her D-Day story and sent it in to share it with you.

Corrie: I just wanted to share about my D-Day, mostly because today is the three year anniversary of it. It was a Sunday, I was at church, and at that time I had a young, colicky baby.

So, church for me meant a lot of walking the halls and dealing with a sad baby. But that particular day, they had a special visitor come. I guess, from the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program, specifically on pornography addiction recovery. They came and talked to the women and men of my congregation about the Addiction Recovery Program.

I was only able to hear a little bit of it. Since I was in and out with the baby, but I was just thinking at the time, wow, I’m so grateful I don’t have to deal with that. So we went home after church, and we got the baby and my older daughter down for a nap. And I was just talking to my husband, and I said something like, “I’m glad you don’t have that problem, so we don’t have to deal with it.”

Then he has this look on his face, just this green, almost sick look. I said, “Am I right? We don’t have to deal with that, right?” I had thought it wasn’t even an issue. Before we married, I had asked him about it. But, my husband lied to me, he hadn’t been truthful. He had been living a lie. It was three days before our three year wedding anniversary. Which really pissed me off, because I was looking forward to our anniversary.

The Trust Is Shattered When My Husband Lied to Me

Corrie: I can’t even remember right now what we had planned, but it just changed the whole thing, and I didn’t know what to do. After that, I just froze. I couldn’t trust my husband anymore. That trust is completely shattered, and I didn’t know where to go from there.

I have struggled with emotions, dealing with, sharing with, just feeling emotions. I grew up in a home where, especially negative emotions, were not okay. We don’t talk about real things or negative emotion. We don’t talk about depression, anxiety, or pornography addiction. I didn’t know how to handle it. So I just froze. It took me a long time, in fact, it wasn’t until this year. When my husband had another relapse, and I was done.

I started focusing on me, and that has helped me. It’s been good for me to look back on this, the third anniversary of my D-Day. And see the crushed person I was back then, and how it didn’t destroy my life.

Anne: Corrie, thank you so much for your bravery and recording your D-Day story.

Getting The Right Support

Anne: If you would like to record your D-Day story, you can record it on your phone using voice memo, and then email it to podcast@btr.org. If I get enough of them, I’ll compile them into one episode and air that in the future.

If you’ve just had a D-Day, the first one or the second, no matter what D-Day it is. When you find out “My husband lied to me.” And you don’t know what to do. The first step is to educate yourself about this type of abuse, and get the right support. When I went through it, even though I went for help. The professionals I went to knew nothing about abuse.

So their help actually prolonged my suffering. The couple therapists we went to, the pornography addiction recovery therapists, even the individual therapists, didn’t help me to identify that I was a victim of emotional and psychological abuse. and sexual coercion.

That’s why I started podcasting, so no other woman had to go through what I went through. So if you’ve had a D-Day and wondered where to turn. This podcast is a great way to educate yourself about the reality of your situation. The Living Free Workshop is also a great resource to learn about how to set boundaries and begin making your way to safety.

And then to talk to women who are going through it. We totally understand what you’re going through. Our betrayal trauma recovery group sessions are the safest, professionally facilitated group sessions on the planet. You deserve appropriate support, that doesn’t blame you for any of this.

To see the group session schedule, go to btr.org/group. We’d love to see you in a group session today.