Have you asked yourself, “Is my husband manipulating me into sex, or did I actually want to do that?” Identifying sexual coercion in marriage is difficult. Here’s what you need to know.
If My Husband Is Manipulating Me Into Sex, Am I A Victim Of Sexual Coercion?
If your husband is manipulating you into sex, you’ll likely feel confused, embarrassed, and have trouble knowing for certain what actually happened. Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- Did your husband do something that you are afraid to tell others?
- Did something happen that you are ashamed to tell others?
- Did you experience fear prior to the sexual experience or feel you needed to walk on eggshells around him so that he didn’t snap?
- Did you find yourself wondering, ‘Is this normal?’ ‘Do other husbands do this to their wives?’
- Did he claim that he was going to be in physical pain if you didn’t have sex with him?
- Did he say he’d be depressed, or otherwise threaten you, even if the threat was extremely subtle?
- Did he say the right things prior to the experience, but you felt unsettled and unsafe during the sexual experience?
Did He Manipulate Me Into Sex, Or Did I WANT To Do That?
You may feel manipulated into sex if…
- A sexual addiction recovery program leader/sponsor/manual/member told you that it’s your responsibility to provide your husband with sex.
- A religious leader/program has overtly told you or intimated that you should have more sex with your husband.
- You’re afraid that if you don’t have sex with him, he will seek it elsewhere (even if he’s never said it out loud).
- You understand sex as a way to manage his abusiveness – if you have sex, he’ll be kinder.
In these situations, you’re having sex with your husband to protect yourself and resist his emotional and psychological abuse.
That’s not the kind of desire equivalent to mutual sex, and means he’s likely manipulating you into sex.
If Your Husband Manipulates You Into Sex, Get Educated
Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions are a safe place to ask questions, process trauma, and express your emotions. Learn about Group Session today and begin your journey to safety.
If you’re unsure if you’re experiencing this type of abuse, enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop to determine your husband’s true character.
Many women have found answers listening to The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast.
Thank you so much for this! When I separated from my husband, I gradually realized how much fear I had been living in. I couldn’t believe how often I felt manipulated into sex, but didn’t even realize it. Thank you for the wonderful work you are doing.