If you need advice about how to confront your emotionally abusive husband, before you do decide to talk to him about it, here are 5 things you need to know.
1. An Emotionally Abusive Husband Is Exploitative
Emotionally abusive husbands often exploit their partners for personal gain, demanding favors without reciprocating respect or care.
Before confronting him, take a step back and assess the dynamics of your relationship. Create a list of tasks he expects you to perform regularly, such as housework or childcare, and then temporarily stop doing some of them. Observe his reaction—does he approach you rationally and in a caring way?
Or does he resort to blaming and attacking? This exercise can provide insight into whether confronting him about his emotionally abusive behavior would help you or harm you.
2. An Emotionally Abusive Husband Is Transactional
Emotionally abusive husbands view marriage as transactional.
He might believe he can “earn” the right to behave poorly or deceive you to get what he wants.
For example, grooming you with compliments or small favors may be a tactic to later demand something in return, such as sex. Recognizing these patterns of manipulation is vital when confronting his behavior, allowing you to articulate your concerns clearly and assertively.
To learn more about why he’s transactional and what to do about it, enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop.
3. An Emotionally Abusive Husband Will Refuse to Respect Proximity Boundaries
Many women experience their emotionally abusive husband’s refusal to respect proximity boundaries, they feel trapped.
This could manifest as refusing to move out, stalking the victim, or violating court orders.
These actions are emotionally abusive and potentially dangerous.
4. An Emotionally Abusive Husband Will Manipulate Others To Think the Abuse Is Your Fault
Emotionally abusive husbands often manipulate those around you, including family and friends, to believe that the abuse is your fault.
This tactic, known as a “smear campaign,” aims to isolate and discredit you.
Be prepared for him to paint himself as the victim and you as the antagonist. Understanding this manipulation allows you to brace yourself for potential backlash and protect your mental health.
Trust your truth, and seek support from those who truly understand your situation. To learn more about what to anticipate. listen to other women share their stories about what happened when they confronted their emotionally abusive husband about his behavior.
5. An Emotionally Abusive Husband Will Expect Things From You That He’s Not Willing To Do Himself
Having double standards is the hallmark of an emotionally abusive husband. Your husband might criticize you harshly for mistakes while excusing his own similar behaviors.
The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop can also help you figure out if he really is emotionally abusive, or if there’s something else going on.
Remember, you deserve validation, understanding, and a safe space to share your story.
Attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY to share your experiences, ask questions, and find a community of women who get it.
HOLY COW! Everything Elizabeth said resonated with me! The cell phone example is spot on, had a similar situation about a HUGE financial fee that he managed to cost us.
The no kissing, expecting sex but no true intimacy, my story! The not able to have friends and only wants to hang out with his HIGH SCHOOL friends. Elizabeth found a friend because the friend married into the HS mix! This is my story! My best friend is married to one of the HS buddies. She (and her husband) are so supportive of me, but this is crazy and our similarities are sadly the same.
He lost several jobs and all but shut down, he helped me do a career pivot, by getting me an interview. However, now he thinks I forever owe him, and apparently, HE is the ONLY reason I have this job. I’m coming up on one year… don’t think he has anything to do with that. Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I am slowly working toward making him leave. I have been desperate to hold onto this marriage as it is my 2nd, but things just keep getting yuckier.