Many women find themselves torn between the hope that their husband will change and the question, “Should I prepare for divorce?” If you’re grappling with this, you’re not alone. Here are 7 things to consider.
Should I Prepare for Divorce?
If your husband has lied to you and is psychologically abusive, you’re likely clinging to the hope of his transformation. Wishing for change is totally normal. All the women in our community have hoped for our emotionally abusive husband to change.
Preparing for divorce doesn’t signify defeat. Rather, it indicates that you’re taking steps to protect yourself just in case.
One way to know if you should prepare is to listen to The FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast where women share stories about when they had to ask themselves this question.
Why Prepare for Divorce if He Might Change?
Preparing for divorce doesn’t automatically mean you’ll follow through. But often abusive men file for divorce out of nowhere, leaving their wife stunned.
If you prepare for divorce, it means that you’re prioritizing your emotional safety in case your husband remains emotionally abusive.
Signs You May Not Need To Prepare For Divorce
- Accountability: Recognizing his actions without deflecting blame.
- Consistent Effort: Showing a long-term commitment to change.
- Empathy: Demonstrating a true understanding of the harm inflicted.
Signs You Need to Prepare for Divorce
- Inconsistency: Frequent apologies followed by repeated harmful behavior.
- Manipulation: Using guilt or pressure to secure reconciliation.
- Lack of Responsibility: Failing to acknowledge the extent of the damage caused.
Steps To Prepare for Divorce (But Not Necessarily Do It)
1. Assess the Situation Objectively
Take a step back to evaluate your husband’s actions against his words. Is he genuinely remorseful and making efforts to change, or are his promises empty?
Hope is a powerful emotion, but it cannot replace the necessity of preparation. Being ready for divorce doesn’t mean you must initiate it immediately; it signifies that you are prepared for any outcome. Many women enroll in The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop to learn how to objectively observe his actions to see if he’s changing.
2. Get Educated About Legal Matters
Knowledge is power! Chatting with a divorce attorney or a BTR.ORG Divorce Coach can give you crucial insights into your legal rights and options. This means getting a grip on your legal situation, sorting out your finances, and building a support network. By knowing your rights and responsibilities, you can make informed decisions and make sure your needs are taken care of.
3. Prepare For Divorce Financially
Maintain detailed records of all interactions, incidents, and communications. This documentation is crucial for protecting your financial future. Steps to safeguard your finances include:
- Gathering Financial Documents: Secure copies of bank statements, tax returns, and other essential records.
- Consulting a Financial Advisor: Obtain expert advice on managing your assets and liabilities.
- Opening Individual Accounts: Ensure you have access to your own funds.
5. Prioritize Self-Care During This Process
Your well-being is super important. Get involved in activities that boost your mental, emotional, and physical health. Think about joining support groups, like those from Betrayal Trauma Recovery (BTR), to connect with others who have similar experiences.
6. Plan for Your Future
Envision your life post-divorce. Consider your career goals, living arrangements, and personal aspirations. Start mapping out this new chapter in your life.
7. Prepare for Divorce Emotionally
Establishing an emotional safety net is essential during this challenging time. Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professional therapists who are knowledgeable about betrayal trauma.
A Woman’s Journey to Preparing for Divorce
“I came to the realization that even if he changed, I could never trust him again. The damage was done, and it wasn’t something I could simply forgive and forget. I had to brace myself for the worst-case scenario to ensure my own protection.” -Samantha
It’s normal to hope for change in a troubled marriage. But just wishing for things to get better without preparing can leave you open to problems. Getting ready for divorce doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it’s about being proactive to protect yourself and set the stage for a better future.
Keep in mind, hope shouldn’t replace preparation. Taking steps ahead of time is key for staying emotionally stable while still holding onto the hope for positive change.
Here’s a poignant testimonial from a woman who received a restitution letter from her husband:
“I can’t make sense of this so-called restitution letter he sent. Maybe he wrote it to tell someone, ‘I wrote a restitution letter, and she still won’t talk to me,’ positioning himself as the victim. But his letter only proves he hasn’t changed. He continues to blame me, and our relationship can never work without honesty.”
Balancing hope and preparation is indeed challenging, yet it is vital. Whether you decide to stay and work on your marriage or choose to part ways, being prepared empowers you with the strength and clarity to make the best decisions for your future.
If you need support, consider attending a group session with the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions. Our support group offers a safe space to share, learn, and heal alongside other women who have experienced betrayal.
Where can I find the sequel/second part of this podcast? This was Extremely helpful! THANK YOU
Here’s the second one: 4 Things You Need to Survive Divorcing an Emotional Abuser
Thank you
I related to so much of this, but also feel the need to say that the analogy to nazis and death camps made me almost stop listening. Especially during a time where antisemitism is on the rise around the country, this felt like a flippant comparison to the millions of lives lost as a result of the holocaust. I can appreciate the depth of despair felt in the scenario described as someone who is currently living it, but my struggle is nothing compared to the murder and trauma of so many of my people. I hope that this message is taken in the way that it is intended– not to attack, but to inform.