Women in The Betrayal Trauma Community have been told by clergy to “protect” themselves from emotional abuse by having more sex with their husband. These same women have also been told that to keep their husband from “sinning” with prostitutes, she needs to manage him sexually. Why are so many faith leaders openly misogynistic?

Understanding the Impact Of Misogyny On Faith Communities

There’s growing concern about the role of faith leaders and their attitudes towards women, particularly in the context of marriage. A troubling pattern has emerged where some faith leaders, rather than supporting victims of emotional abuse, perpetuate misogynistic beliefs that further harm women seeking help.

Here are my best guesses about why many faith leaders exhibit openly misogynistic attitudes and behavior, and how this impacts women, especially those who are married to emotionally abusive men.

Misogyny in Faith Communities Harms You

For many women, seeking guidance from clergy during times of emotional turmoil is a natural step.

However, too often, instead of finding solace, women encounter misogyny that enables further emotional abuse. Women in The Betrayal Trauma Community have reported being advised by clergy to “protect” themselves by having more sex with their husband or to manage him sexually to prevent them from “sinning.”

Such advice not only trivializes the women’s experiences but also places undue responsibility on them for their husbands’ actions.

Common Misconduct by Misogynistic Faith Leaders

The harmful effects of misogyny in faith communities manifest when clergy:

• Assume the truth lies “somewhere in the middle,” ignoring the victim’s perspective and believing the husband who is a known liar.
• Encourage victims to “forgive and forget” or love the abuser to aid his “repentance”.
• Discourage boundaries, whether by separation, divorce or other means.
• Counsel victims to engage in sexual acts to placate an abuser’s pornography use.
• Bypass the victim by speaking directly to the abuser, endangering the victim further.
• Encourage community members to shun the victim for speaking out about the abuse.

These actions reflect a deep-rooted patriarchal mindset that protects abusers and silences victims, reinforcing gender inequality.

Why Misogyny Persists Among Faith Leaders

Predominance of Male Leadership

In many religious communities, leadership roles are occupied by men. This gender imbalance contributes to a lack of empathy and understanding of women’s issues and leads to practices and teachings that are known to be harmful for women.

Objectification of Women By Faith Leaders

Some faith leaders view women as objects rather than equals, which prevents them from taking women’s issues seriously. This objectification is evident in the way they dismiss women’s experiences and perpetuate damaging stereotypes.

Some faith leaders promote practices like “eye bouncing” – which is when a man finds a woman attractive, he avoids looking at her or talking with her. This type of discrimination oppresses women because they’re undervalued and avoided, instead of valued and respected.

Participation In Misogynistic Practices

Reports suggest that some faith leaders engage in behaviors like using pornography, which can foster misogynistic attitudes.

Pornography is often considered a form of hate speech against women. It normalizes the objectification and devaluation of women, making it difficult for these leaders to care and advocate genuinely for women’s well-being.

Power Dynamics Faith Leaders Won’t Abandon

By stripping women of power, these faith leaders maintain control within their communities.

Misogyny is used as a tool to keep men in power, suppressing any efforts towards equality and fairness.

The Broader Impact of Misogyny in Faith Communities

Harm Beyond Women

Misogyny doesn’t just affect women; it undermines the stability and peace of entire communities.

Misogyny also harms men. The idea that men are superior to women creates unrealistic expectations. This can lead to toxic masculinity, where men feel the need to prove their manliness through aggression and dominance over others.

Society’s expectation that men are strong, unemotional and dominant beings makes it difficult for them to express their emotions or work together with women on equal grounds. If the misogyny enables lying and other unhealthy behavior, it can stunt a man’s ability to have healthy relationships.

Misinterpretation of Scripture to Excuse Abuse

Some clergy misuse scripture, such as the parable of the prodigal son, to pressure victims into forgiving their abusers. This not only enables abuse but furthers the trauma experienced by victims.

Incorrect scriptural interpretation through a misogynistic lens blinds faith leaders to the true message of compassion and social justice.

At Betrayal Trauma Recovery (BTR.ORG), we recognize the frustration and devastation that women feel when faced with misogyny from those they turn to for help.

The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop offers a clear path to healing, teaching women to protect themselves from further betrayal and helping them move towards emotional and psychological safety.

If The Leaders In Your Faith Are Misogynists, You’re Not Alone

Healing from your husband’s betrayal is compounded by misogyny in faith communities.

You’re not alone. Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions provide a community of women who understand and support you.