The emotional abuse cycle shows up in patterns. Here’s what you need to know about the cycle of emotional abuse.

“I felt like something was off…but I didn’t know what to look for.”

The Cycle of Emotional Abuse Makes You Feel Crazy

Many women, seek professional help early in marriage. If you’re feeling crazy, please know that gaslighting, blame-shifting, secret intimate betrayal (including porn use), and sexual coercion are emotional abuse issues.

Understanding the cycle of abuse can help you identify what’s really going on, early on.

What is the Emotional Abuse Cycle?

The cycle of emotional abuse consists of four main phases that form a recurring pattern designed to exert control over the victim:

1. Grooming: Often referred to as “love-bombing” or “manipulative kindness,” this phase can last anywhere from minutes to decades. During this time, the abuser presents the ideal version of themselves—safe, secure, and worthy of attachment—to manipulate their victim into a false sense of security.
2. Tension: This phase is marked by escalating stress and conflict. Victims often blame themselves for the abuser’s neglect and verbal abuse, which starkly contrasts the grooming phase’s previous kindness and attention.
3. Action: The abuser exhibits harmful behaviors such as gaslighting, manipulation, intimate betrayal, and financial deception. These actions form the core of hidden abuse and are unique to each abuser.
4. Denial: In this phase, the abuser attempts to erase their earlier actions through gaslighting and manipulation. Victims may find themselves questioning their perceptions and contemplating separation or divorce. However, abusers often tap into deeper levels of manipulation, coaxing victims back into the grooming phase, thereby perpetuating the cycle.

The Cycle of Emotional Abuse Makes You Feel Crazy

Many women, like Elizabeth, seek professional help because they feel “crazy” in their relationships. If you experience this, know that gaslighting, blame-shifting, secret intimate betrayal (including pornography use), and sexual coercion are serious abuse issues that must be treated as such.

Understanding the cycle of abuse can help you identify what’s really going on, early on.

Recognizing the Patterns

Recognizing the emotional abuse cycle involves identifying patterns. Victims often feel an unsettling tension early in the relationship but lack the language or support to articulate that they are being abused. Here are six key things to know about the cycle of emotional abuse:

1. Lying is Part of the Cycle: Abusers often employ manipulative truths to keep victims stuck, making it difficult for them to see the reality of their situation.
2. Testing Boundaries: Abusers “test” their victims by pushing boundaries, further entrenching them in the cycle. To learn more about how to set effective boundaries, enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop.
3. Gaslighting: This tactic is used to prevent victims from identifying the cycle of abuse, leaving them questioning their reality.
4. Therapy Can Be Harmful: In some cases, traditional therapy may pathologize victims rather than help them recognize the cycle of abuse, hindering their ability to seek help.
5. Secretive Behaviors: Secret pornography use or other betrayals are often part of this cycle, further isolating victims.
6. Marriage Counseling May Not Help: Traditional marriage counseling often fails to stop the cycle of abuse, as it doesn’t address the root causes.

Break Free From the Emotional Abuse Cycle

The good news is that many victims are identifying the cycle of abuse in their relationships earlier and earlier. If you’re realizing, maybe for the first time, that you’re experiencing emotional abuse, please know that you are not alone.

Attend a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY. These sessions provide support from professionals and fellow survivors who understand what you’re going through and can offer guidance and empathy.