Most of the info about betrayal trauma misses the point – betrayal trauma isn’t about being betrayed. Women with betrayal trauma are emotional and psychological abuse victims and victims of sexual coercion. Their husband betrayed them in every way possible, and knowing the truth is the only thing that leads to healing.
Info About Betrayal Trauma Is Actually About Emotional Abuse
Betrayal trauma is a harrowing experience that many women face, often attributed to their partner’s actions labeled as “sex addiction.” However, it’s crucial to recognize that betrayal trauma is fundamentally a consequence of abuse, not addiction. It’s abuse that caused the betrayal.
When therapists, clergy, and even well-meaning friends and family label betrayal trauma as a consequence of “sexual addiction,” they inadvertently enable the abuser to persist in their harmful actions. Additionally, by downplaying the severity of betrayal trauma, they perpetuate abuse toward the victim. This minimization forces victims to accept a distorted reality that leaves them feeling isolated and questioning their own sanity.
To learn how to determine your husband’s true character, consider the BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop.
You’re Not Crazy: Understanding How Most Info About Betrayal Trauma Is Victim Blaming
One of the most insidious aspects of betrayal trauma is the chronic gaslighting, lying, manipulation, and reality distortion that victims endure.
The abusive partners often excel at concealing their actions, leaving victims grappling with questions about their own sanity. Most of the addiction recovery industrial complex uses some form of victim blaming to assign some of the blame to the victim, which is unethical.
Listen to the FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast to learn more about how victims blaming is used as a form of manipulation. The constant internal struggle includes wondering what is happening, why they feel perpetually awful, why their efforts as partners and mothers seem to fall short, and why physical and emotional pain has become a daily companion.
You Deserve Empathy & Support
Betrayed women frequently find themselves asking the poignant question, “Am I crazy?” It’s important to emphasize that victims aren’t crazy. But the gaslighting and manipulation they endure make it challenging to trust their own perceptions and experiences. By recognizing and validating the real source of their pain – emotional and psychological abuse – BTR offers empathy and support to those who need it most.
Are you a victim of betrayal trauma? You’re in the right place.
Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions are available to you TODAY. We’d love to see you in a session.
This is such a helpful tool! Thanks for sharing 🙂
I would like to schedule a call to ask additional questions, as I am considering taking the training this summer.
Thanks,
Jessica
To schedule a one-on-one call with one of our coaches, click here.
Please help me before I kill myself.
Lyn, please call the National Suicide Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
I know the pain is intense. We understand. You have people that love you and a group of support.
Lyn, Please let this blog know how you are doing – No one wants you to kill yourself! You are infinitely valuable! I am concerned about your situation!
What steps do I need to take, to become a betrayal trauma recovery coach? I am not a therapist. I do have personal experience of betrayal trauma and it’s effects. I want to encourage others working through their recovery.
All of our coaches are certified coaches through an organization accredited by ICF or BCC, have been trained by APSATS, and are either certified by APSATS or working toward full certification under an APSATS supervisor.
Thank you so much for all you do. Organizations like yours have been invaluable in my healing process so far. I hope that I will eventually be able to give back by becoming a coach. As my husband continues in his recovery, we have talked about using what we are learning through our process to help others as we see it everyday, all around us.
I’m so glad you found it helpful!! Hugs!
After 30 years I am still feeling anger, hurt and depression that is untreatable. I also became physically sick. I was not able to hold up a job. I feel the only way to be healed is to have a good person that loves me to replace the toxic person. If this does not occur the damage cannot be repaired. That is why we need to legalize euthanasia. It is another option. We should not live with pain.
I’m so sorry for your pain. I have not been blessed with another person coming into my life, but I am living a full and happy life now. You can too. Don’t lose hope. You can self partner and create a peaceful life. Have you considered joining our daily support group? Click here to learn more.
Pleas send more info on services
Our daily, live, online support group: Betrayal Trauma support group
Click here for more info on Online, Individual Sessions for women experiencing Betrayal Trauma.
I am currently married to an abusive man and I am reading everything I can to grow myself and to evaluate his growth progress from a grounded place instead of from an emotional state or from a manipulated state. Anyway, I have learned there is no progress on his side yet but he is in group therapy for sexual addiction and he is being held to the fire by Christian men, our chosen path and belief regarding wholeness. My husband acknowledges he is very broken and that he has done all of the narcissistic abuse by his own choices. We live in the same house but we are separated to a large degree. We have separate bedrooms, bathrooms, and offices. We share the kitchen and the living room. I am deeply hurting and yet still somewhat hopeful even in the reality of what he is doing – I am praying for his and my own healing.
I have read the responses of many women on this site and my heart is deeply moved by the community of our pain. It feels saying thank you for this place is not adequate for the value it is in our world but it is all I know to say…thank you so much! Love and healing and blessings and protection over each person responsible for this community and to those growing in it…and to those that brought each of us here.
I have a question about my own behavior. I am embarrassed to have to admit this but it is what it is. Regarding fight or flight, I am a fighter. My spirituality and the Peace of God are deeply important to me and I believe it is not right to intentionally bring harm to another person…yet I find myself having to ask for forgiveness for just that…in the three years of marriage to this man I have changed a lot. I find I live in a great deal of fear of the world. I dread going out even with friends and even to some degree my mom; who is my best friend. In reaction to some of my husband’s abusive behavior I have spit in his face…literally, not figuratively. I have shamed him and cussed him and even tried to make him cry by saying horrible things about his mother, who passed before I ever met him. I have thrown the remote at him and hit him on the hand with it. I have broken a TV and his cell phone…both in reaction to his acting out but I don’t want to act like that – any of it!!! I found this site several weeks ago and I am learning more and more but I still cannot figure out if my reactions are part of trauma response or if I am abusive myself?!!? I know the behavior would be considered abusive by any reasonable standard of behavior but it is in reaction to his abusiveness to me. And that’s my issue…here I am blaming my behavior on him – there is something wrong with that!! I am meditating on forgiving him in my heart…not so that he can continue but so that I don’t hold hate inside me which damages me. I guess I just need to know if I need to heal from trauma or if I need help for abusiveness myself.
I am about to join the group because even if I have anger or abuse issues myself; I need this group for healing. Again, thank you so much for this community!
Your question is so common! Yes, joining group will help. The short answer is, even in the face of trauma and abuse, our healing is best facilitated when we live according to our own values:). Boundaries and healing can help you chose to behave in ways that are consistent with your values, so you can feel peace – that’s the goal right! We’re so glad you found us. You are loved here:).
I have been listening to the podcasts and I am going to listen to everything. I’ve lived with a porn addict for 28 years. The porn and masturbation went on and on. I never saw this coming at all.
I have severe PTSD. I’m not really religious, but highly spiritual and have a very strong faith with God. It’s just been so long with three discoveries and I am having trouble with my rage. I wanted my marriage to work, but not sure if it can. My husband started therapy again recently, but he’s a great liar so I never know if he will get any better. I’m not sure he can recover at 78. Knowing about the porn destroyed me. I don’t know who he is anymore and I was fine before I was with him. I feel empty and alone. Im glad someone referred me to this site.
What free resources are available? I cannot afford therapy, I’ve lost my job and now I feel as if I will lose my mind.
We don’t offer therapy here, but we do have a free podcast for emotional abuse victims. The podcast seems to be more helpful to victims:).