Gaslighting Is Emotional & Psychological Abuse
Gaslighting is the attempt to convince another person that what they perceive, believe, think, or feel is inaccurate or untrue. Any attempt to make a victim doubt her own reality is gaslighting. Gaslighting is psychological abuse.
When it’s extreme, this type of psychological abuse can cause cause a woman to doubt her own sanity.
How To Know If Your Husband Is Gaslighting You
It may even be impossible for a victim to know if she’s being gaslit. Here’s a list of possible signs you’ve been gaslighted by your husband if you find yourself . . .
- Sensing that something really wrong is about to happen. An impending sense of doom.
- Wondering why your husband doesn’t believe you.
- Making excuses for your husband’s behavior to yourself, friends, and family.
- Constantly second guessing yourself.
- Often asking yourself, “Am I too sensitive?”
- Feeling confused or “crazy” when talking to your husband.
- Sometimes lying to avoid your husband’s put downs or reality twists.
- Thinking twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation.
- Running through a checklist in your head to anticipate any mistakes or ensure everything is perfect before your husband comes home.
- Worrying about having memory problems or thinking your husband might have them.
The Tactics Used To Gaslight
If your husband is gaslighting you, you’re being lied to, manipulated, and confused ON PURPOSE.
Some of the common gaslighting tactics used by psychologically abusive men are:
- Shifting blame onto you, making him the “victim” and you the “offender.” “Of course, we have marriage problems! You’re always so angry!”
- Discrediting your feelings by saying the problems are just your imagination or “faulty” thinking. “I wasn’t staring at that woman! You’re just insecure!”
- Saying you need OR dismissing your help (therapy, coaching, support group, etc). “You’re the one with problems! You need help!” OR “That’s not what you want; your coach is telling you to say that.”
- Criticizing your character flaws. “You’re shrill, blaming, and controlling. So of course, I’m going to watch porn!”
How To Find Safety From Gaslighting
When women realize their husband is using psychological abuse, they may feel scared and unsure of what to do. It’s hard to accept that your husband is abusive. However, if your husband is gaslighting you, he IS abusing you.
Getting The Right Support
Gaslighting is destructive and you deserve emotional safety. BTR.ORG specializes in supporting women when they’re being gaslit, especially when the gaslighting is hiding their husband’s infidelity, porn use, or other sexual betrayal.
Attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today and tune in to The BTR.ORG Podcast to learn more about gaslighting.
THIS. IS. AWESOME! You’ve truly changed my life with this stuff. I began using the tools you taught me (along with the courage and confidence I knew you had in me) to create major changes within my own marriage. Between that and all of our followup sessions, you’ve empowered me to finally “turn off the gas.” This stuff is pure GOLD for us as survivors of addiction and/or abuse. I’m so incredibly thankful to have you in my corner!
Thank you! This post helped me recognize my husbands gaslighting and call him on it!
I never heard of this (gaslighting) til now.WOW! what an eye opener. Very informative!
My husband steels my possesions. From my business documents, jewlry, pictures. Sometimes I get things back and other times he throws things think away destroyning items like my Xmas ornaments, poisoning my apple tree… he has been caught several times and has admitted to many of these examples… he lies all the time…Please help me, what is this and what am I dealing with????
He’s abusive. I’m so sorry! Have you considered joining The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group, so you can get support to know what to do?
My ex used to gaslight me about my sensitive ears and nose. When something sounded wrong with the car or an appliance, he’d say, “I don’t hear anything,” and something did end up being wrong. And my absolute favorite, literal “gaslighting” – a couple of times after he did various DIY projects involving a gas appliance, I’d say, “I smell gas,” and he’d say, “I don’t smell anything.” Well, you can bet I called the gas company and of course, I was right – gas leak!
Thank you for sharing the truth that pornography addiction is abuse and causes psychological damage. I’ve been divorced three years after being married 18 years. I’m still healing from all the betrayal.