If you’re wondering what emotional abuse feels like. Here are 9 insights Alex gained from enduring 30 years of her husband’s emotional abuse.
1. Emotional Abuse Feels Like Confusion
At first, my husband seemed like a dream come true. However, shortly after we married, I noticed unsettling behaviors. Then it took me years to recognize the manipulation. Finally, I realized it was not okay. Initially, I brushed off his concerning behaviors, blaming them on work stress. Accepting that I was experiencing manipulation took time, but eventually, I faced reality.
2. Emotional Abuse Feels Like Manipulation
I was in that relationship for nearly 20 years. Looking back, I realize I was manipulated from the start. Then he cleverly made me believe he was my soulmate. Unaware of his hidden life, I lived cautiously, trying to avoid conflict. Not realizing I was being manipulated.
3. It Feels Like Isolation
Our neighbors and community members saw us as an ideal couple. Whenever someone started to see the truth, we would distance ourselves, and I never had a support network. He ensured I was isolated from anyone who might tell me otherwise.
4. Emotional Abuse Feels Like Betrayal
My husband was secretive, hiding everything from me. For instance, he had financial issues, always blaming the bank or his employer. He never blamed his own excessive spending. Toward me, he was dismissive and frequently irritated. I knew he was overreacting, but I kept quiet out of fear.
5. Emotional Abuse Feels Like Fear
If there was any issue, I knew I’d face consequences. So I spent my marriage ensuring his life was perfect. Dinner always ready and fulfilling his requests immediately. Reflecting now, I see how resilient I was to manage it all.
6. It Feels Like Walking on Eggshells
He claimed he was suffering, saying things like he was misunderstood or unsupported. But the truth was more about creating drama and not being seen as a star. Living like this, I’d tell myself, “Okay, Alex, keep everything perfect at home.” I trained myself to walk on eggshells.
7. Emotional Abuse Feels Like Self-Doubt
Despite all the signs, I doubted myself. I thought he just had a short fuse, never identifying it as emotional manipulation. So I constantly second-guessed my feelings and experiences. So it made it difficult to see the reality of my situation.
8. It Feels Like Brain Fog
Even now, though I’ve been safe for years, grief catches up with me. Little triggers bring back memories. And I hate that I struggle with trauma. I wish I’d stood up and said, “You’re not treating me like this!” instead of burdening myself.
9. Emotional Abuse Feels Like Exploitation
Reflecting on my marriage, I see how he exploited my effort. He held a respected position at work, using it as a disguise. But looking back, some saw through him. The painful part is realizing how he took advantage of my dedication and resilience.
After I left, I discovered a hidden world in my life. Then my best friend introduced me to The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast. As I listened, I was in disbelief. The host described my life. It only took a few podcast episodes to give me the strength to leave.
Moving Forward Away From His Emotional Abuse
Recognizing emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse isn’t easy, especially when you’re deep in it. However, understanding the signs and knowing that you are not alone can make a significant difference. If you resonate with any part of my story. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
So If you need support, consider The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop. Which gave me the strategies to figure out exactly what was happening.
Reminds me of my situation. I walked away from 30 years of convert religious abuse. I didn’t know it was abuse! Throughout all 28 years I was completely lost, broken, no strength, with severe auto immune conditions, I still didn’t believe it. But within 2 years of finding BTR I left. Closed the door. Healing is still ongoing. I’ve been no contact for a year and a half, and I’ve come so far!! The ex was the most “religious”, would never admit to all he did. But he used pornography, had affairs, gambled, screamed at me. But to everyone else he was perfect and soft spoken. Entitled just to me.
Well done to those who have managed to escape this type of abuse! It only gets worse.
As I’m reading your story I can’t believe the similarities of what I’m exactly going through. After 32 years of marriage I’m in the process of ending it. I’m so glad I found this resource, I need so much help.