What does gaslighting look like? How do successful, intelligent women end up in relationships with manipulative gaslighters? How can victims begin to seek safety from gaslighters?
Let’s Talk About Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It’s so difficult to identify that many victims don’t even know that they’re being abused.
For some victims, it’s helpful to know that you don’t have to be able to articulate what’s happening – you just have to listen to your heart as you recognize that what’s happening is not okay.
What Does Gaslighting Look Like?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim doubt their own perceptions, memory, or reality.
It often starts small with seemingly trivial comments like, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re imagining things.” Over time, these comments escalate into a pattern of denial and deflection. The gaslighter’s ultimate goal is to control the victims perceptions of reality.
Signs of Gaslighting:
- Denial of Truth: Your husband denies things he previously said or did, even when there’s clear evidence.
- Confusing Conversations: You find yourself constantly second-guessing your own thoughts or memories after discussions.
- Blame Shifting: He makes you feel at fault for his actions or emotions.
How Do Successful, Intelligent Women End Up with Manipulative Gaslighters?
It might seem perplexing how confident and competent women find themselves in these situations, but psychological abusers often target competent women deliberately. Abusers like this seek out women who are strong and capable because they have more to exploit.
The initial charm and attention from the gaslighter can be such a relief. Women feel like they’ve found their soul mate, making it hard for her to recognize the manipulation until she’s married or has children.
How Can Victims Begin to Seek Safety from Gaslighters?
The path to safety begins by acknowledging that what’s happening is not okay. Listening to your intuition and seeking support are crucial steps. Here’s how you can start:
Steps To Take:
- Educate Yourself: Listen to the FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast to understand this type of psychological abuse.
- Seek Professional Help: Consider attending a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session, facilitated by specially trained Betrayal Trauma Coaches to talk to other women experiencing this type of psychological abuse, especially when he’s been gaslighting about his porn use or affairs.
- Learn Psychological Safety Strategies: The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop can help you with strategies to see his true character and take steps toward psychological safety.
At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, we understand the pain of living under the cloud of gaslighting. Our team offers support and resources to help you find clarity and strength. Consider attending a BTR Group Session today as you begin your healing journey.
Gaslighting is How They Manipulate
Psychological abusers often believe their emotions justify their harmful choices. For example, feeling ashamed doesn’t justify yelling at someone, nor does sadness excuse lying or infidelity.
Gaslighters create a false narrative that their feelings are acceptable reasons for their actions, manipulating the victim into accepting blame.
Examples of Manipulation:
- Using anger to justify breaking promises or agreements.
- Claiming jealousy as a reason for controlling behavior.
- Suggesting that stress led to dishonest actions.
Why Therapy Might Not Help Him Stop Gaslighting
While therapy is beneficial for many mental health issues, it won’t address the root of gaslighting.
Abusers often manipulate therapy sessions to further control their wives, either by pretending to change or convincing the victim that they need help.
Therapy is contraindicated for abuse, and it’s important for victims to focus on their own healing and safety instead.
Clearing Space to Hear Yourself
Many victims choose to focus on learning how to listen to themselves again. Victims find the BTR.ORG Meditation Workshop helpful for strengthening the truth inside your own head.
By understanding gaslighting and taking proactive steps, you can protect yourself from psychological abuse and start rebuilding your life.
Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today to connect with others and begin your recovery journey.
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