In an emotionally abusive relationship, gaslighting is a weapon often used by abusers to maintain control. For women married to emotionally abusive men, recognizing these tactics can be a crucial step toward peace. Here are some real life examples of how abusers gaslight you.
Understanding How Abusers Gaslight You
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes the victim question their own perception of reality. Over time, this can erode the victim’s self-confidence, making them increasingly dependent on the abuser for validation and truth.
Common Ways Abusers Gaslight You
1. Undermining Reality
One insidious way abusers gaslight is by subtly causing victims to doubt their own reality. They may downplay, ignore, or dismiss what their partners are good at or passionate about, causing them to question their own abilities and worth. The BTR.ORG Living Free Workshop helps victims sort out his lies from the truth.
Real-Life Example:
Wanda’s passion for cooking—a skill she honed professionally—was something her husband never acknowledged. He skipped her work events and failed to commend her efforts, leaving Wanda seeking validation elsewhere. Over time, this planted seeds of doubt about her culinary talent, leading her to question her own reality.
2. Exploiting Childhood Trauma
Abusers gaslight you by wielding past traumas as tools for manipulation, deflecting from their own abusive behaviors by blaming the victim’s emotional responses on unresolved childhood issues.
Real-Life Example:
Wanda’s husband used her difficult childhood to gaslight her, saying, “Your parents messed you up too much,” and implying that her reactions were solely due to past trauma, not his abusive behavior. This tactic shifted the focus from his actions to her perceived instability.
3. The “I Have Needs” Strategy
Abusers frequently gaslight by convincing victims that they aren’t contributing enough to the relationship, whether emotionally, physically, or financially. Despite clear evidence to the contrary, they persist in making the victim feel inadequate.
Real-Life Example:
Even when presented with spreadsheets documenting Wanda’s significant household contributions, her husband insisted that she was not doing enough. He used the “I Have Needs” tactic to justify his lack of contribution, forcing Wanda to shoulder more responsibilities and questioning her efforts.
Recognizing gaslighting is the first step in breaking free from its constraints. Navigating life under such manipulation can feel impossible, but remember, you are not alone. BTR.org offers group sessions specifically designed for women healing from emotional and psychological abuse.
Benefits of Attending A Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session:
- Safe Environment: Connect with others women who understand and provide support.
- Expert Guidance: Our certified coaches have experienced similar challenges and offer practical, empathetic advice.
- Flexible and Affordable: Attend sessions online at your convenience for just $125/month.
“Just a few weeks in the group made all the difference…” – BTR Group Session Client
These sessions provide a community where you can share, learn, and grow. You deserve to live a life free from manipulation and doubt. Attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today and take the first step toward reclaiming your truth and peace.
Thank you. I try not to stay so down from it.
I wish I could get out. I’m disabled and my abuser is my caretaker and 95% of my financial security. I’m so sad and lonely. Thank you for these podcasts. My heart hurts for this lovely woman. I relate. This entire abuse narrative is a pandemic!!!! It’s hard to have faith in humanity when this is the majority of men.