When a woman discovers her husband secretly uses pornography, the sources she seeks help from, including clergy, therapists, family and friends, may direct her to the pornography addiction community for support. But here’s the truth about porn addiction – if he has a porn addiction, he’s emotionally and psychologically abusive.

The Truth About Porn Addiction – It’s Abusive To You

When it comes to your husband’s pornography use, there’s a pervasive narrative that says it’s either no big deal or that it’s addiction. Women married to men who use porn don’t think it’s no big deal – but the addiction classification doesn’t help. The addiction classification means their husband is sick and needs their support.

The Truth About Porn Addiction – Wives of Addicts Shouldn’t Be Asked To Tolerate Abuse

For many women married to men who use porn, the experience can be emotionally devastating and confusing.

Understanding The Truth About Porn Addiction In The Broader Context

The prevailing narrative that equates porn use solely with addiction fails to address the broader context of abusive behaviors often associated with it.

Rather than viewing porn use as an isolated addiction issue, it is crucial to consider how it fits into a pattern of power dynamics and control within relationships. This perspective allows for a more nuanced understanding, recognizing that the misuse of pornography can be a tool of manipulation, deceit, and coercion.

The Truth About Porn Addiction Is That It’s Abusive To Your Spouse

When a woman discovers her husband secretly uses pornography, it is not merely a personal betrayal—it is a form of abuse. The deception involved breaches trust and consent, elements fundamental to any healthy relationship. Minimizing this behavior as an addiction often absolves the perpetrator of accountability for the emotional harm caused.

Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, emphasizes that supporting your husband through his recovery for pornography addiction neglects the porn user’s abusive character.

Exploring the Harmful Dynamic Created By Pornography Use

It becomes dangerous when clergy and therapists encourage partners to support a recovery process that fails to acknowledge ongoing abuse. The overt episodes are masked as relapses, which the covert emotional and psychological abuse, especially in the form of grooming the victim is happening all the time.

Pornography Use and Its Correlation to Domestic Abuse

The use of pornography creates a mindset that objectifies women, reducing them to possessions rather than individuals deserving of respect and mutuality. This aligns closely with the mentality underlying domestic abuse, where entitlement and control prevail.

There is a strong correlation between pornography use and domestic abuse. Both involve an entitlement mentality—where the individual feels justified in consuming whatever they want, whenever they want, with no regard for the harm it causes others.

The Truth About Porn Addiction: It Fuels Coercion

A critical issue tied to pornography use is the use of coercion by creators and users.

When a woman isn’t informed of the true nature of her husband’s porn use, she is deprived of the ability to give informed consent to continue the relationship or engage in sexual activity.

This lack of transparency constitutes a form of sexual coercion, which is inherently abusive.

Secret Pornography Use Is Sexual Abuse

For women navigating the fallout from discovering a husband’s porn use, finding adequate support can be challenging.

We understand what it’s like to seek support, validation, and help when you discovered your husband was lying about his porn use only to encounter minimization and excuses. It’s a terribly lonely and scary place to be.

The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group offers group sessions with trained trauma coaches who can help you navigate the realities of betrayal and abuse. Join today and begin your journey to healing. We’d love to see you in a session today.