Being a mom is a Herculean task – but parenting when your ex is abusive? This is something no one should have to navigate alone. Here’s how to co-parent when your ex is abusive.
What is Co-Parenting with an Abusive Ex?
Co-parenting typically involves both parents working together to raise their children. This includes shared decision-making and fostering a positive environment for the child’s development.
However, when dealing with an abusive ex, true co-parenting may not be possible. Instead, parallel parenting can be a more effective approach. This method minimizes interaction between you and your ex, reducing the potential for conflict and abuse.
To learn strategies for parenting with an abusive ex, enroll in the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop.
Why Self-Care is Essential
At Betrayal Trauma Recovery (BTR.ORG), we emphasize the importance of self-care for victims of abuse.
Prioritizing your physical and emotional health empowers you, providing the strength needed to support your children effectively. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup—take care of yourself first to better care for your little ones.
The abuse wasn’t your fault. One easy way to prioritize self care when you’re co-parenting with an abusive ex is to listen to the FREE Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast to learn more about what happened, so you can stop feeling guilty or ashamed.
Setting Boundaries in Parallel Parenting
Be Honest with Your Children
When your abusive ex fails to show up for parenting time or behaves inappropriately, it’s not your responsibility to shield your children from reality.
Instead, approach these situations with empathy and honesty. Validate their feelings and provide unconditional love and support.
It’s crucial to foster an environment where they feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment.
Empower Your Kids
Teach your children to recognize and articulate their needs.
Encourage them to set personal boundaries and equip them with strategies to seek safety if they feel threatened. Empowering your kids provides them with the tools to handle challenging situations independently, fostering resilience and confidence.
Coping Mechanisms for When Your Children Visit
It’s natural to feel powerless when your children visit their abusive parent.
During these stressful times, focus on what you can control—equip your children with coping mechanisms, such as recognizing when they feel uncomfortable and taking steps to ensure their safety.
Open communication is key; reassure them that they can always reach out to you if needed.
The Importance of Community Support
Navigating co-parenting with an abusive ex can feel isolating. You’re not alone. Attending a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session can provide a sense of community and understanding.
These sessions offer invaluable support, advice, and a safe space to share experiences with those who understand your struggles.
Co-parenting when your ex is abusive is undeniably one of the toughest challenges a mother can face.
Take the first step towards healing and empowerment by attending a Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY.You deserve peace, and together, we can help you achieve it.
This is a great podcast for me. I have been told repeatedly by my attorney that I am supposed to co-parent! What you ladies are describing is actually what I’m doing. Parallel parenting. Speaking truth to my kiddo. Validating her. Teaching her what self love and boundaries are.
She is a very mature 12 year old (through not fault of her own). She wants nothing to do with her father because of his narcissistic and manipulative ways. Of course, I am constantly accused of alienating her. So he desire to not be with him is “completely my fault”.
If he was physically abusing her I would have no difficulty getting him out of her life. Emotional abuse is so hard to prove. Colorado makes it very difficult, especially if you don’t have a lot of money.
I can’t even get a divorce from this man. It’s been two years! He doesn’t have an attorney. Every court date he lies or doesn’t provide what has been ordered. I’m so surprised by the judge’s patience with him. Tomorrow will be our 3rd appointment with the judge in the last 30 days all at my expense.
I’m desperate to be free from him and so badly want to relocate back home where my family is. I pray every day that this will happen. My poor baby girl needs to be free of him. This Mama Bear is worn out.
I’m so sorry! We’re with you! Being entrapped by not only the abuser, but the court system is awful. We recommend Tina Swithin for thought about court battles with narcissists:). Her info has helped a lot of us:).
If he were physically abusing your kid, the court system would only make it so that he continues to have access and ability to abuse your kid more. Do not be deceived and think that children are ever protected from physical and sexual abuse. In the U.S. fathers are seen by the legal system as having the right to control and abuse their wives and children.
Honestly, this article is extremely short-sighted and naive. In the US an abusive parent is nearly always awarded shared custody and continues to abuse the child, not only as a way to hurt and control the child, but as a way to hurt and control the safe parent. Suggesting that a child would be “allowed” to text or FaceTime the safe parent or choose to leave the room leads me to believe that the author has no experience with the level of abuse that so many of us experience.
I assure you, we have experience with how the legal system gives custody to the abusive parent and who continues to abuse the children and his ex through custody arrangements that continue to give him power and control in the situation. If this article doesn’t show that, we apologize. Thank you so much for bringing this up – as we completely agree with you. I’m the author and I experience it in my everyday life – as do my children.