If you’ve discovered your husband has been lying about his pornography use, you may be asking, “Is porn addiction bad?” If this has happened to you, here are four things you need to know.
1. Is Porn Addiction Bad? Yes Because Pornography Users Gaslight Victims
Gaslighting is a universal tool used by pornography users. By distorting their wife’s reality, porn users can hide their porn use and make excuses for the other ways they’re unavailable in the relationship.
To determine what’s really going on, enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop. This workshop will also teach you emotional and psychological safety strategies so you can take your next steps toward peace.
2. Porn Addicts Attempt To Normalize Their Porn Use
Often, pornography users employ tactics to manipulate their wife to think that they’re behavior is normal. He might lie or gaslight to manipulate her to think she’s “prude”, boring, or immature.
Some of the ways that pornography users attempt to normalize porn are:
- “Hiding” pornographic material in plain sight
- Calling pornographic material “art”
- Saying things like, “Everyone does this”; “I’m a guy, that’s what guys do”; or “No other woman would have issues about my porn use.”
- Saying that they use pornography to help the marriage/relationship become stronger
- Blaming the victim by saying things like, “If you would have sex with me more, I wouldn’t do this.”
Pornography is NOT a healthy and natural piece of human sexuality: it is abuse and exploitation. When victims can ground themselves in this truth, their husband’s manipulation won’t work anymore.
3. Pornography Addicts Dehumanize Their Wives
Many women report being photographed, videotaped, or even live-streamed by their abusive partners. Women are sexually coerced, degraded, and physically harmed when phonography users demand sexual contact.
Pornography itself is objectification: selling women’s bodies for money. When men choose to view pornographic material, they are by default objectifying other human beings. This rarely stays compartmentalized.
- Pornography users dehumanize their partners by:
- Fantasizing about them
- Asking them to perform sexual acts that the victims are not comfortable with
- Asking victims to view pornography with them
- Demanding or guilting partners into having sexual contact
- Filming, photographing, or otherwise sharing sexual photos of victims, with or without consent
4. Is Porn Addiction Bad? Yes Because Pornography Users Sexually Coerce Women
Any time a man has sexual contact with his wife without fully disclosing his sexual history, including pornography use, he is guilty of sexual coercion.
Healthy sex is consensual. Women cannot give informed consent when men withhold key information about their own sexual behaviors. This is sexual coercion, a serious form of sexual abuse.
If you think you are being sexually coerced by your partner, ask yourself: Have we ever had sexual contact when he had used phonography but hadn’t told me? If the answer is yes, then you are a victim of sexual abuse.
At BTR, we understand the confusion, fear, and devastation that women experience when their partner is using porn.
That is why we created the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions, so that women can access multiple, live sessions every day.
This podcast is so on point and brings validity to every thought, emotion and pain I have experienced for the past 20 years. I’m so grateful for your testimony and this website and ministry.
Thank you, ladies. Excellent points to consider here. And the value of prioritizing versus slogging day today. I so appreciate the information and support.