Dating after narcissistic abuse isn’t easy. I know because I’ve been there.
If you’re healing from narcissistic abuse and need place to share your feelings, attend a Before I started dating, I attended Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session TODAY.
For me, dating after narcissistic abuse was a rollercoaster ride of emotions, from the initial shock of realizing what I’d been through to the gradual process of rebuilding my sense of self-worth and rediscovering what healthy love truly means.
I didn’t take things fast because I’d already been in an abusive relationship in college. I wanted to do things “right” this time. But you can’t do things right with a narcissistic abuser. Pretty soon, the patterns started to show, and I realized I was in an abusive relationship.
How to Spot Narcissistic Abuse: Identifying The Signs
- Gaslighting
- Using coercion as means of control
- Avoiding attachment to punish and control
- Blaming and shaming the victim
- Creating an environment where the victim has to walk on eggshells to avoid altercations and emotional abuse
Preparing to Date After Narcissistic Abuse
Before I started dating, I attended Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Sessions, where I realized that there are others who’ve been through similar experiences. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one was a huge source of comfort and validation.
Preparing To Date By Learning How To Set Boundaries
Dating Myself After Narcissistic Abuse
Eventually (for me, it was about a year), I decided I wanted to start dating again.
I decided to start by “dating myself.” It was a really fun process! And something I’d never done before. I’d take myself out to dinner, go on long walks, rent a movie, or take a night drive. I started journaling, which is something I’d never, ever done in my life. I even wrote myself love letters. 🙂
About six months into my “dating myself” era, I decided to start dating other people besides myself :).
New Relationships After Narcissistic Abuse
At first, it was really, really scary. I was terrified that I would find another abuser and end up repeating the cycle. So I pulled back and went back to dating myself again. But gradually, the desire came back and I put myself out there again.
My advice?
- Going too fast too soon? Notice if they struggle to understand or care about your feelings or others’ emotions.
- Do they seem like they were made just for you? Be wary if they constantly crave excessive praise or need to be the center of attention.
- Trying to make you feel sorry for them? Watch out for signs they believe they deserve special treatment.
- Do you feel like they just have a few things to learn, and they’d be amazing? Be cautious if you constantly make excuses for their behavior or believe they will change with time.
- Weird moments where their reaction surprises you negatively, making you think you did something wrong (when you didn’t)? Check for signs of manipulation or attempts to control situations to their advantage.
- Do they ask about you and your life, or is it just monologues back and forth?
- Do they claim their ex was abusive or crazy?
- Do you have a sense that things will get better, like when they graduate or quit their job? This is called Future Faking. Be cautious if they promise a better future without taking real steps towards it.
- Emotionally draining, chaotic drama: Think about how you feel after hanging out with them. Do they leave you feeling exhausted or worn out?
Finding True Love After Narcissistic Abuse
Finding love after narcissistic abuse is possible. It may take time, patience, and a whole lot of self-love, but trust me when I say that you’re worth it. So take a deep breath, trust in yourself, and know that brighter days are ahead. You’ve got this.
I am a narcissistic abuse survivor.It has been over twelve months and I still hurt go back and forth.I still grieve.